Tòa án hôn nhân. Trong phòng xử án im lặng. Một cô gái mười tuổi ngồi trên ghế tòa, vuốt ve mép váy. Mẹ cô nhìn cô với một biểu cảm không thể đọc được. Cha cô ở góc đối diện. Luật sư của mẹ hỏi câu này đến câu khác. Cô gái trả lời ngày càng nhỏ hơn. Cánh tay cô bắt đầu run rẩy. Cô nhìn vào mắt mẹ, và mẹ chỉ gật đầu một cách khó thấy. Sau đó, cô gái bùng nổ. Cries, tears, convulsions. Toà án quyết định tạm dừng phiên xử. Mẹ vui mừng. Một bước tiến thêm để hạn chế quyền của cha. Cynical? Brutal? Welcome to the reality where children become weapons.

Children as weapons in divorce wars

Divorce is painful. But when one party decides to use a child as a battering ram, pain turns into a crime. The phenomenon of "programmed child" is known to psychologists worldwide. The mother (rarely the father) instills in her daughter or son that the second parent is a monster, that he is dangerous, that he does not love and wants to take everything away. And then she takes the "victim" to court, where the child is expected to give testimony. The best testimony is when the child not only speaks but also demonstrates. Demonstrates fear. A tantrum. A breakdown.

The nervous breakdown of a ten-year-old girl in court is not a coincidence if it occurs strictly in the presence of the father. It is a setup. The director is the mother. The script is "You're afraid of dad, say he beat you." The actor is the child, who was promised love and protection if he cries at the right moment.

The judge, seeing the tears, often takes them at face value. Who would suspect that the mother deliberately drove her daughter to a tantrum? And even if she suspects, it is almost impossible to prove.

Why a nervous breakdown is the perfect weapon

In civil proceedings, the verdict is often based not on dry facts, but on the judge's impressions. An emotional testimony from a child in tears outweighs any expert conclusions. The judge thinks: "The child is crying so much, so the truth is on his side." This is a cognitive bias that even experienced judges are susceptible to.

Moreover, a nervous breakdown allows you to avoid a detailed interrogation. If the child cries and cannot speak, the judge interrupts the hearing and records in the protocol: "The witness is unable to give testimony due to emotional state." And the testimony given earlier at the investigation (where the mother was also present) remains in the case. And they, of course, are against the father.

The third aspect is psychological expertise. After the breakdown, the court usually orders an expert examination. But the expert sees the girl already traumatized, in a state of stress, and can confirm: "The child is afraid of the father." As if the mother had nothing to do with it. Meanwhile, the mother gently strokes the girl's head and says: "See, how bad he is, because of him you're crying."

Maternal strategy: a step-by-step guide to cruelty

How does it happen in practice? Psychologists working with victims of parental alienation have identified a typical algorithm.

Step one — isolation. The mother prohibits the father from seeing the daughter under false pretexts. The girl is convinced that the father himself does not want to come. Step two — demonization. Every conversation about the father is accompanied by negativity: "He abandoned you," "He does not love us," "You can only expect bad things from him." Step three — instilling fear. "Are you afraid when dad is around? He will hit you if you don't behave yourself." The child begins to be truly afraid, but afraid not of the father, but of the mother's anger.

Step four — rehearsal. A few days before the trial, the mother teaches the daughter to cry at the right moment. She promises a doll, a tablet, a trip to the seaside. "Just cry and say: 'I don't want to go to dad, he beats me'." The child, eager for the mother's love, agrees. Step five — court. The girl plays her role. The judge sees the tears. The result: the father is restricted in his rights, the mother gets everything.

Fathers who have become victims of such schemes describe it as torture. They cannot defend themselves because any attempt to defend themselves looks like aggression against the child. Try to prove that the tears are a fake.

Diagnosis: parental alienation syndrome

This phenomenon has a medical name — parental alienation syndrome (Parental Alienation Syndrome, PAS). The term was introduced by psychiatrist Richard Gardner in the 1980s. It describes a situation where one parent brainwashes the child against the other without objective reasons. The child begins to hate, fear, and despise the second parent, although he has never been cruel.

In the case of a nervous breakdown in court, we see the extreme form of PAS. The child is so frightened and programmed that his psyche breaks down in the presence of "the enemy." But this is not a spontaneous breakdown. It is a breakdown that the mother cultivated and used as evidence.

In Russia, parental alienation syndrome is not recognized as an official diagnosis. There is no article in the Criminal Code for arranging a child. There are no expert methods that clearly distinguish between real fear and instilled fear. Therefore, mothers (and fathers) continue to use children in court, knowing that punishment does not threaten.

Who really suffers

It seems that the mother wins the case. She gets sole custody, alimony, an apartment. But the price of victory is the psyche of a ten-year-old girl. A child who was forced to lie and pretend grows up with deep psychological trauma. In adult life, such children are at high risk of depression, anxiety disorders, difficulties with trust in people, and a tendency to manipulation.

And if the girl ever understands that the mother used her as a weapon? This can destroy relationships forever. The mother will be left alone. And then her victory in court will turn into a Pyrrhic victory.

The innocent victim is the father. He lost his daughter. He cannot see her because the court decided that he is dangerous. He pays alimony, but he cannot hug his child. Men in such situations often drink themselves to death, commit suicide, become aggressive. The system that believed the false breakdown gets a new criminal.

How to recognize a fake breakdown

An experienced judge or judicial psychologist can notice signs of a setup. First, a fake breakdown often starts too quickly — immediately after an uncomfortable question. Real stress builds up gradually. Second, the child in a tantrum continues to glance at the mother, looking for approval or cues. Third, after calming down, the girl does not look relaxed — she either immediately stops crying and stops crying as if a switch was turned off, or, on the contrary, demands a reward ("Mom, I'm good?"). Fourth, the content of "scary" testimony may be memorized, too smooth, not corresponding to age.

There are methods of separate questioning: first question the child without the parents, then watch the video recording. And compare the behavior. If without the mother the girl is calm and reasonable, but in her presence she has a tantrum, this is a red flag.

But many judges do not want to delve into it. It's easier to believe the tears and make a decision than to risk it. What if the child really suffers? Who will answer for the mistake?

What can a father do in such a situation

The first and most important advice: do not scream, do not cry in the courtroom. Patience. The father's lawyer should request a comprehensive psychological and psychiatric examination involving experts on the alienation syndrome. Demand that experts study not only the girl's condition but also the mother's behavior (methods of observation, questionnaires).

Second: demand a video interrogation of the child outside the presence of parents. Ideally — in a psychologist's room, without spectators. Then the mother's influence is minimal.

Third: gather evidence of programming. Secretly record conversations between the mother (where it is allowed by law), testimonies from neighbors, teachers who saw the mother say bad things about the father. School certificates on the girl's behavior — if she normally communicates with the father during breaks (judges take this into account).

Fourth: file a complaint with the guardianship authorities about cruel treatment of the child by the mother. Deliberately driving a child to a tantrum is a form of psychological abuse. Article 156 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation "Failure to fulfill obligations of guardianship of a minor" may be applied if proven.

Fifth: demand the recusal of the judge if he shows bias and refuses to check the girl's testimony.

The role of guardianship and trusteeship

Guardianship is the key link. By law, they are required to participate in every child-related proceeding. But often they write a formal inspection report where they simply record: "The child wants to live with the mother." But as it turned out, they do not ask.

The responsible inspector can prevent the drama. He should visit the family several times, talk to the girl alone, without the mother, in a familiar environment (at school, on a walk). See how she reacts to the mention of the father. If he sees that the fear is induced, he is required to write a conclusion to the court: "The child's testimony may be unreliable under the influence of the mother."

Unfortunately, there are few such inspectors. Overload, low pay, lack of psychological education lead to the fact that guardianship simply plays along with the mother. With rare exceptions.

Legislative changes: what needs to be changed urgently

There is a need to introduce responsibility for "psychological abuse of a child in family disputes" in the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation. A separate article for deliberately forming a false fear in a child and using him in court. Punishment — from a large fine to the deprivation of parental rights and real term.

In addition, there is a need for mandatory judicial psychological expertise in all cases where there is even a hint of programming. Experts should have the right to recommend limiting communication not with the parent the child fears, but with the one who instilled the fear.

And most importantly — video conferencing for questioning children. The child gives testimony from a psychologist's room, his answers are transmitted to the courtroom, but the parents do not see him (and he does not see them). This removes the factor of pressure. Such a practice already exists in Armenia, Georgia, in some states in the United States. It's time for Russia.

Until then, mothers like the hero of this article will continue to break the psyche of their own children for the sake of victory in court. And society will reap the fruits: grown-up traitors, liars, and psychopaths.

Epilogue: what does a ten-year-old girl feel

She does not understand why she cried. She just wanted her mother to love her. To not be angry. When her mother said "cry", she cried. Then her mother hugged her, patted her head, said "you're smart." The girl felt happy. But inside there was a disgusting feeling that she had done something wrong. And that dad, who used to read her fairy tales and take her to amusement parks, is now "bad." Why bad? She doesn't know. But her mother said so. That means it's true.

This girl will grow up. Perhaps she will read this article. And she will cry for real. Out of shame. Out of anger. Out of the realization that she was used. And then, maybe, she will find the strength to call her father. If he is still alive. If he has not drunk himself to death. If he still remembers.

A mother who bets on a child's tantrum in court does not deserve to be called a mother. She deserves to be judged. The real one. Where she herself will be questioned — already without the right to cry.

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